Faith Meets Academia

Episode 54 - Join the "It's Me" Movement: From Blame to Ownership

• Dr. Adrian Reynolds

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Two small words can transform how we lead, learn, and love: “It’s me.” In this episode, we explore why moving from a posture of blame to one of ownership is the ultimate catalyst for personal growth.

Inside this episode:

  • The "It’s Me" Movement: Why ownership isn't about taking the blame—it’s about asking, "What role did I play?"
  • Internal vs. External Locus of Control: How to reclaim your power by focusing on your choices rather than others' actions.
  • Biblical Self-Examination: Lessons from the Last Supper and the Prodigal Son on the courage it takes to look inward.
  • Growth Mindset in Action: Real-world applications for students, professionals, and parents to turn friction into learning opportunities.

Let's move beyond the "blame game" and join the movement toward a more reflective, responsible life.

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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely my own and do not reflect or represent the positions, policies, or opinions of my employer, any organization or academic institution with which I am affiliated. This podcast is a personal initiative, and is not connected to my official/ formal duties and responsibilities as a university professor.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, hello, welcome, welcome back to Faith Meets Academia. I hope that you'll have a productive week. But hey, listen, if you can, and I I hope this will happen for you, try to get some rest, right? In between the busyness of life, in between your regular schedule, your routine work. It's really important for your health, for your well-being. All right. Um, if you want to know how to do that based on how Jesus did it, check out episode 52, how to follow Jesus' work schedule for more on that. When you're just going, going, going without small breaks at select points throughout your daily routine, you're really driving yourself toward burnout. And that's what we don't want. All right. Okay, let's get right into it. So today's episode stems from a sermon that I preached some weeks ago. And you're probably looking at this title and you're wondering, okay, it's me. Like, what's this about? Hey, well, let's find out. So these two words, it's me, can completely change. Listen, I've tried it out, it works. These two words can completely change how we handle life, our interpersonal relationships, how effective we are in leadership roles, relationships with family, with friends, with our children. Um, you really have to try to experience the power of it. And I'm gonna walk you through how this works. It's me. Now, brace yourselves, all right? This is not about taking the blame for everything. No, that's not what this is about. Saying it's me doesn't mean it's all my fault. It means asking a more important question. And here's the question: are you ready? What role did I play in this situation? What role did I play in this situation? Life is like this one big stage, right? You might agree. And we're all actors, actresses on that stage. We're playing a role. If you're a living, breathing human being interacting with other people, you are playing a role in the interaction, in the relationship, in the situation. And your role might have varying levels of involvement, but a role is being played. Even non-participation is playing a role. But this question of what role did I play in the situation puts you in a position to control how you react to that situation. All right. So saying it's me isn't self-blame, it's more of a self-awareness tactic. And so, hey, listen, we might as well call this the it's me movement. I mean, are you ready to join the movement? I mean, I'm already in. My wife is in, not sure about the kids. We could talk about that at another time. Yeah, this it's me movement is about a shift from being reactive to being reflective. It's a shift from finger pointing to personal growth. Saying it's me means that you're going from a posture of blame to ownership. Let's face it, it's easy to focus on what everybody else did wrong. But personal development and growth begins when we just take a deep breath, pause, and ask the question: what do I need to take ownership of, responsibility for in this situation? Psychologists call this your locus of control, your sense of where power or authority lies in your own life. You see, when you have an external locus of control, you feel like you're just at the mercy of everybody else. You're at the mercy of their decisions, you're the mercy of their kindness, you're at the mercy of their friendship, etc., etc. But then there's something, on the other hand, called your internal locus of control. And that's where you focus more on what you can control. Your effort, your choices, your responses to someone else's action. You can't control what they do, but of course, and I'm sure you've probably heard this before, you can control how you react. So God is not asking you to control everybody else and control everything. He's ultimately in control, right? So knowing that what we have to do is to take responsibility for what he has entrusted to us. Remember, we've seen the first chapter of Genesis, and you you know this all too well. God gave mankind dominion, responsibility over the whole world and everything that he had created. That's no small task. We all have a part to play in this. It's me. Let's take a look at uh the Last Supper in Matthew 26, where Jesus says, One of you will betray me. And all of the disciples, including Judas, they asked this one question, Lord, is it I? Jesus already knew who would betray him. That's why he said, One of you will betray me. And even those who probably knew they weren't the one, still asked the question, Lord, is it I? In case there was some remote possibility that it was one of them. They took on that responsibility of self-examination. So taking on the responsibility again doesn't mean that you're blaming yourself. Just simply means, Lord, it's me. I'm a part of this team, I'm a part of this club, I'm one of the twelve, I have a role to play here. And since it's me, because I'm a part of this group, yeah, I'm I'm gonna look inward. I'm gonna take a moment to look inward and say, hey, could it really be me? And here's a related point that I want to bring out. Yes, Jesus already knew who would betray him. He already knew that Judas would betray him, he knew that Peter would deny him, but he still allowed them to stay at the table. So this presents an important challenge for us. Who have we dismissed from our table? From our circle of friendships, our circle of family relationships. Who have we dismissed from that table? Because of a misunderstanding or just our own stubbornness, you know, because we're trying to preserve our own uh self-image because of a disappointment, a disagreement. Who is that person? Think about it. Sometimes the hardest it's me moment is realizing that we have stopped giving or extending the same grace, the same second chance that we expect. What does Jesus say in Matthew 6, 14 and 15? For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. You know, a couple months ago, I was in an auditorium uh with about 200 medical students. And this one student raised their hand during the during the session. And uh, you know, we were having, you know, sort of a an open, you know, debriefing session with the with the students just to see how the air is going and you know, hear their concerns, any feedback they might have. Um and this one student raised her hand and expressed that there were some questions on a recent exam that were not related to any concept or to in the study guide that the professor had given them. The student said, I was upset. Yeah, that's what the student said. Yep. She said, I was upset about it. I mean, you could feel a shift in that room. And the implication there in the student's response was that it was the professor's fault for for putting questions on the exam that were related to topics that weren't covered in the course. Now, of course, I had no way of verifying this. I'm just going by what I heard. Of course, this is one side of the story. I'm not casting blame on the professor at all. I'm just going by what the student related and using this as an example for purposes of this episode. Now, in this case, applying the it's me tactic, is there a different approach that the student could have taken? If the student were to have said it's me, then it would produce a different type of emotion. Not one of feeling upset, but one of introspection. So in this case, saying it's me would prompt the question, what role did I play in this? And it might seem odd because you might be saying to yourself, well, the student didn't create the test, so what role could the student have played? In this case, saying it's me for the student might mean, you know what? I know that for many of these professors, they usually say, hey, everything is for your game. So is there something that I missed in hindsight? Is there something that I missed? Something that was said during the lecture, something that was mentioned that I may have overlooked while I was studying? Was my studying sort of narrowly limited or restricted to the topics explicitly mentioned in the syllabus? Or did I dig deeper? Did I extrapolate? Did I infer? Did I think about implications? Did I think about relationships to other concepts that, yes, might not have been mentioned uh explicitly in the course, but still were connected maybe to a prior course in that sequence? Are there questions that I did not ask that would prepare me more effectively for the exam? Did I study or review for the exam with a friend? And in which case I may have noticed some gaps in my knowledge or my ability to apply that knowledge to new situations, to transfer my learning, to solve new problems. When I become a practicing physician, am I going to be prepared in advance for every potential challenge that I may have to address or condition that I might have to diagnose? I mean, the list of questions go on and on and on. And you know what? I don't even think that student actually failed the exam. They might have just missed a couple of points that would have gotten them into a higher quartile. And this is part of what psychologists call metacognition, thinking about your own thinking, how you receive, interpret, process information. How do you know that you know? How do you know when you're confident about what you know? And this is where we move from just being in a reactive posture to a growth mindset. You see, if your first inclination is to cast the blame on someone else, then you're closing the door that leads to growth. However, critical self-reflection swings that door wide open. Step into it. You see, friends, the oldest game is the is the blame game. Yeah, it started, you know, we can go right back to Genesis. That's where it started. Right? When God confronted Adam after he ate the forbidden fruit, right? What did he do? He pointed the finger. Genesis 3 12. He said, The woman you gave me to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate. I mean, as if to blame God for creating this woman. And then Eve, the woman, in turn, blamed the serpent. She said, The serpent deceived me and I ate. So it was just one excuse after another. And so all these excuses cost them their place in the garden. Now compare this story to the story of the prodigal son. You know, the guy left home, wasted everything, ended up feeding pigs. I mean, the guy was starving. He said, I perish with hunger. But then one day, he must have done some critical self-reflection, looked in the mirror, he must have said to himself, It's me. You got it? And so he said, Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. Read it. St. Luke 15. Guess what? He could have blamed the famine, he could have blamed his friends, he could have blamed his dad, but he didn't. His actions really illustrate to us that he adopted the it's me tactic. Hear this. Coming up with a bunch of excuses to deflect the responsibility that you've been entrusted with to somebody else, you only do that to protect your ego. But honesty, vulnerability, transparency will rebuild or further develop your integrity. When you say it's me, you're not taking on some guilt that's not yours. You're simply just acknowledging that life is interactive and you play a part. Sometimes it's a big part, sometimes it's a small part. And guess what? You might like this one. Sometimes it's you realizing that you were just a bystander. Innocent bystanders, as sometimes they say, you were just an observer, you had no direct influence or impact or involvement in the occurrence or the situation. But here's the thing: your awareness of what happened, and it could be any situation, your awareness of what happened or who was involved or how things played out still allow you to say it's me. I I hope you got that. Don't try to get out of saying it's me. If you're listening to this and you're like, uh-uh, no, no, no. There's some situations I just I refuse to say. I cannot say it's me because it was just not me. Well, if you take that approach, that means you're misinterpreting this whole thing and you're thinking this is just about you blaming yourself. And I already made it clear from the outset that's not what this is about. You know, I've realized that saying it's me requires humility, even as a parent. So, for example, if you find out that your, you know, your high schooler hasn't been turning in their homework assignment on time, or you only find out after they received a poor grade in the course, playing the blame game would be you saying to that child, hey, you get what you get. This is the result of not taking responsibility for your own actions. This is the result of not being organized and not sticking to deadlines. You know, that's life. You get what you get. However, saying it's me would sound something like, you know what? I should have been having more frequent check-ins with John or Jane Doe to help ensure that they're organized and that they're managing their time well. Because I didn't always turn in everything on time when I was in high school either. So if I had been having more frequent conversation conversations about time management, organization, then maybe he or she would have would have had a stronger system in place to ensure that things get turned in on time and that a pattern of turning in the work late wouldn't have occurred. Not that it wouldn't happen every now and then, right? Because things happen. But I recognize that I didn't provide enough oversight. Not hand holing, not coddling, not being a helicopter parent. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but saying it's me means that a little bit more oversight could have helped. Now, here's the beauty of this: your entire family needs to be on board with this whole it's me thing. Because the child, the student needs to also say, it's me. So it's me is a shared responsibility. It's not just the one-person thing, it's a shared responsibility. So it's me means let's stick with the same example. Your high schooler could say, I kind of felt like I had multiple things going on at the same time. We were getting ready for this church trip. There were a lot of projects that were due around the same time, and I just couldn't keep up with all of it. So I just kind of figured, hey, there's some things that I just wouldn't be able to get to in time. And if I felt that way, I should have said something to someone, to my teacher, to mom, to dad, and I didn't. Parents, I know what you're thinking. Please, that's an ideal world. Like which high schooler thinks like that? Come on, are you kidding me, Dr. Reynolds? Okay. Whose responsibility is it? Who plays the role of cultivating that mindset of personal responsibility? Answer that question. Do you think time management organization you think those skills are skills that kids are born with? Answer that question. If not, how did they develop it? Answer that question. I could go on, but I'm gonna end it right there. Pass this message along. Share it with a family member, share it with a friend. I think it's time, it's time we start this It's Me movement. Actually, I you know, I I think I'm gonna get some shirts printed. It's me. It's me. If this episode has been a blessing to you, stop by on Apple Podcasts and leave a rating, drop a comment. You can also send me a direct direct message on through any of the podcast, any of the major podcast platforms out there, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, etc. There's a link at the top that says send us a text. You just click that link, type your text in, it'll come straight to me. I won't even see your phone number. All right. So feel free to connect. Looking forward to hearing from you. Have a blessed, productive week. Hey, it's me. God bless.