Faith Meets Academia

Episode 30 - Empathy in Action: The Dos and Don’ts of Compassionate Communication

• Dr. Adrian Reynolds

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In this 30th episode, Dr. A. reflects on the power of empathy in shaping our relationships and interpersonal communication. Drawing on insights from previous episodes and his own experiences, he explores how empathy plays a key role in compassionate communication, helping us navigate life’s toughest challenges. He addresses the societal decline in empathy, referencing relevant research while proposing actionable ways to reverse this trend. From understanding cultural sensitivities, like the Jamaican term “ush,” to replacing dismissive phrases with compassionate alternatives, Dr. A. equips you with tools to enhance your communication. With practical steps to show empathy in daily interactions, he closes with a heartfelt blessing, encouraging us all to make empathy a daily practice and deepen our connections with those around us.

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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely my own and do not reflect or represent the positions, policies, or opinions of my employer, any organization or academic institution with which I am affiliated. This podcast is a personal initiative, and is not connected to my official/ formal duties and responsibilities as a university professor.

Dr. A.:

Hey, fma, fam, welcome back, welcome back. I really can't believe like we're already on episode 30. Man, where has the time gone? Episode 30. I mean it's amazing how being consistent from week to week can all add up into this transformational, impactful journey that has been touching many lives over the past almost seven months. Thanks for joining for this week's episode. I mean it's going to be a good one, right? I can feel it. It's going to be a great one. I think you're really going to enjoy what's coming.

Dr. A.:

I'm so happy to be sharing in this moment with you. I mean, listen, there's tons of other things you could be doing with your time, but guess what? You intentionally, deliberately, chose to spend this time with me and I don't take that lightly. I am super grateful. Hey, don't forget. Share the good news, spread the love right. Share the podcast, share your favorite episodes with your friends, family, loved ones. There are people out there who are looking for this content and I'm depending on you Like, don't keep it to yourself. I'm depending on you to share it with the people. Come on, go ahead and tell the people. All right, faith Meets Academia is on all major podcast platforms Apple Podcasts, spotify, audible, even Amazon Music, you name it, all the major platforms out there, you can find this podcast. I'm still just basking in the last two episodes.

Dr. A.:

Again, I can hardly call it an interview. It was more a conversation, a dialogue with Reverend Pastor Alton Lee Sr, retired Master Sergeant, who served honorably in the United States Air Force. So many words of wisdom came out of those two episodes and I just can't thank him enough for joining me to reflect, right, I mean, hey, he said it. He said that those two episodes provided him with an opportunity to reflect on his impressive 20 plus year career in the United States Air Force. All right, so what's on the menu for today? All right, I can't wait to just dive into this. So here's what's on the menu.

Dr. A.:

It's one word, it's called empathy. It's this feeling, this emotion, some even call it virtue, called empathy, and today's episode is titled Empathy in Action. Empathy in Action the do's and don'ts of compassionate communication, in empathizing with anyone in any given situation or difficult life circumstance. I mean, there's some things that you do want to say, and then there's some things that you just absolutely under no circumstance want to come out of your mouth. Right, I am sure you've been either way. You've been in those situations and we're going to dive really deep into that.

Dr. A.:

I mean, have you ever found yourself at a loss for words when someone's going through a rough, difficult time, maybe a natural disaster, they've lost it all, or maybe they've lost a loved one and lost a job or something. Or maybe you've even wondered to yourself how to truly show what's in your heart, how to truly communicate that, how to truly show you care without just saying let me know if you need anything. I mean, comments like those are kind of played out cliche, right. I mean, there has to be something deeper that we can pull out from within us that will help to heal a wounded soul. But it takes some thought, it takes some practice and it takes some trial and error too. I mean, I don't have this all perfect. I'm going to share with you my own story about missing opportunities for appropriately effectively exercising empathy. All right, you'll hear that in a few minutes.

Dr. A.:

So empathy isn't always easy, but it's really crucial that if we want to connect with other people in a meaningful, substantive way, the way Christ has called us, to reach out and connect with others and love our neighbors as ourselves, then I think it's a skill that's worth, at minimum, attempting to master. So we're going to be talking about some practical ways to express empathy through our words and also through our actions. We're going to be discussing some common missteps that you want to avoid when offering encouragement, support, comfort, etc. And how to make sure that the support you're offering is helpful, thoughtful and heartfelt. And, of course, we're going to see how the Word of God guides us or provides us with strategies for living out true empathy. Yeah, as believers, we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. How do we actually live that out in the real world, at work, at school, in our communities, in our homes? So we're going to be exploring that today. Empathy is not just this feel-good idea. It's a divine expectation that's rooted in God's love for us that we project to those around us. So, hey, grab your Bible, get comfortable, grab a cup of tea. I know if you're driving you might not be able to do that. Stay focused on the road, because we're going to go deep, but we're going to help each other out in terms of how we can most effectively reflect the love of Christ through empathy.

Dr. A.:

But before we begin, I want to start out with a prayer for those who have been affected by the recent hurricanes, particularly Hurricanes Helene and Milton. So I want to have a moment of prayer for all those who have been impacted. Give ear, o Shepherd of Israel. I want to have a moment of prayer for all those who have been impacted. Give ear, o Shepherd of Israel, you who lead Joseph like a flock, you who dwell between the cherubim, shine forth, shine the light of your countenance upon us and grant us your divine peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding, that protects our hearts and guards our minds even in the valley of despair. We come before you, dear Lord, in humble prayer, recognizing you as our refuge, recognizing you as our strength, our source of strength in times of trouble. We bow humbly before your throne in the words of James 5, 13 through 16.

Dr. A.:

Is any among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him sick. Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

Dr. A.:

The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Today, we place in your hands all those suffering from the aftermath of the recent hurricanes and natural disasters. We seek your healing and restoration, trusting in your promise found in Jeremiah 17 14. Heal me, o Lord, and I shall be healed. Save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise, you are my strong tower, you are my protector, you are my deliverer. You are indeed my savior.

Dr. A.:

We believe in your power to heal the broken, to restore what has been lost and renew hope in the hearts of those who are in despair has been lost, and renew hope in the hearts of those who are in despair. We stand firm on your word, dear Lord, as recorded in Isaiah 41 10. Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Dr. A.:

Lord, be a comforter to those in mourning, a good shepherd to those who feel lost and a healer to those who are sick, overwhelmed, depressed and devastated. Please, lord, let your strength be their strength in these difficult times. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord, jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those In the words of David Heal not only their physical wounds but also their emotional scars. Heal their hearts which may be broken from loss and grief. In the words of David, psalm 147, verse 3, we say he heals. Yes, lord, you, lord, only you, you heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. We proclaim your promise as written in Exodus 15 26. I am the Lord who heals you. May your healing be present in every life affected and may you bring restoration, peace and hope in the midst of this devastation.

Dr. A.:

Lord, use us. We know that faith without works is useless. So, lord, we say we are calling ourselves to action and we say use us, your people, as instruments of restoration for those who have lost it all. Fill us with the empathy and compassion needed to lend a helping hand to those in need. May we be true to your word that reminds us that as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. We close this heavenly petition with the prayer Jesus taught his disciples to pray, according to St Matthew 6, 9-14. Our Father, which art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom, come Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Alright, so let's get straight to the heart of the matter.

Dr. A.:

Have you ever heard the expression walk a mile in my shoes? You may recall or not. I mean, you might be too young to remember this, but you might have heard a song titled Walk a Mile in my Shoes, a song by Elvis Presley, and I want to read the lyrics to you. And the lyrics go like this If I could be you, if you could be me for just one hour, if we could find a way to get inside each other's mind, if you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego, I believe you'd be. I believe you'd be surprised to see that you've been blind. Walk a mile in my shoes. Just walk a mile in my shoes. And before you abuse, criticize and accuse, just walk a mile in my shoes. That's something to think about, isn't it? You've also likely heard expressions like that's something to think about, isn't it? You've also likely heard expressions like listen with your heart, not just your ears, and I'm sure at this point in your life, you are intimately familiar with what they call the golden rule do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Dr. A.:

And all of these sayings reflect this emotion we call empathy. Now let's dig a little deeper. What really is empathy? How would one describe or define empathy? Well, in simple, everyday terms, empathy is just the ability to understand and connect with what someone else is feeling. It involves recognizing their emotions, what they call emotional recognition, putting yourself in their shoes to see things from their point of view, what the social scientists call perspective taking and managing our own emotions so you can stay calm and supportive in challenging times, what they call emotional regulation. See, here's the thing If you're going to walk a mile in my shoes while I am in an emotional crisis, shoes while I am in an emotional crisis. You would need to have some emotional guardrails in place safeguards, if you will, to protect your own well-being. This might include setting some healthy boundaries, like practicing self-care and being aware of your own emotional limits, of your own emotional limits, using techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, or seeking support from a counselor or therapist who can help you stay centered, grounded and empathetic without absorbing the distress yourself.

Dr. A.:

Empathy also includes compassion, and that element of compassion is key because that for them, that you want to help them. Let's pause for a moment. When was the last time you really took the time to walk a mile in someone else's shoes? How did that impact the way you responded to them? Now let's talk about the role of empathy in our society at large and in our own personal growth. Empathy is not just a feeling. It's a critical element for developing what are called pro-social behaviors, behaviors like kindness, cooperation, offering help, volunteering and even forgiveness. The research even shows that empathy is crucial in reducing bias and systemic racism.

Dr. A.:

Empathy has been extensively studied across multiple disciplines, including psychology, sociology, education, neuroscience. Empathy is widely studied across the social sciences. Why? Because it's fundamental to understanding human emotions and relationships. So psychologists explore how empathy affects behavior and mental health. The neuroscientists, on the other hand study how the brain responds when we relate to each other's feelings. The sociologists may look at empathy's role in fostering, or empathy helps teachers and team leaders build stronger and more resilient teams. Generally speaking, empathy plays a crucial role in improving the ways in which we connect with each other and support each other.

Dr. A.:

Let me ask you this In your own personal life or in your profession, how often do you intentionally practice empathy and how would it change your relationships if you did so more often? Now I'm going to share with you some personal experiences I've had and social patterns I've observed when it comes to showing empathy. Over the past few years, I've observed, I've noticed many missed opportunities for showing empathy during during challenging or difficult times, and it's caused me to wonder why empathy wasn't expressed at all. No-transcript that's just me from the outside looking in. Is it because people don't know what to say? And sometimes people do say like I just I don't know what to say and you know what? Sometimes it's okay to just say I don't know what to say, but I firmly believe that we should not stop there. There's something else for us to do. We can actually practice what to say and how to say it in terms of improving our ability to show empathy. We can build our capacity for showing empathy. That's not impossible. You can learn anything If you actually believe you can, and I'm going to offer you some practical strategies for that in a few minutes. But yeah, is it that people just don't know what to say and then sort of leading them to stay silent or sometimes say the wrong thing? What's up with that? I mean, the research does show that empathy is on the decline. It's unfortunate, but that's what's happening. Newsflash, that's what's happening. That's a sad state of affairs.

Dr. A.:

I'm going to be providing you with some insightful articles on this topic of empathy. If you look in the episode description, you will see these resources there. You can check out these articles to read more on this.

Dr. A.:

But the research shows that people often miss chances to show empathy even when the emotional cues or signals are clear. So, for example, in medical settings, a number of studies show that physicians frequently overlooked opportunities to empathize with patients' emotions. So even in a medical setting where you think there would consistently be an abundance of empathy, there's much room for improvement. And don't get me wrong now, I'm not saying that physicians in general are not empathetic. I imagine the reasons for a relatively high number of missed opportunities for showing empathy are many. I mean there's the time crunch, the time pressure in really busy clinics, probably lack of specific training in empathetic communication, high stress levels and burnout, which is a huge concern across the health professions. There's also probably some overcompensation in terms of protecting their own emotions so that they can be strong enough for the next patient they have to see without feeling totally drained. Nonetheless, these are not excuses. These are just potential explanations as to why we are where we are in terms of physicians missing opportunities to express empathy In everyday life. The research points to similar patterns, so it turns out it's not just physicians per se, but there's a broader societal trend here.

Dr. A.:

Another study found that people noticed others' emotions but failed to recognize them as an opportunity to or a chance to empathize about 9% of the time. So meaning, even when someone's feelings are apparent or clear, people may not respond empathetically, either because they don't realize the moment calls for empathy, or maybe they're just not sure how to react. And this kind of disconnect really highlights how often emotional awareness doesn't necessarily lead to some type of action, whether in personal or professional interactions and speaking of professional interactions that I'd be having surgery and the response was good luck. I mean, just like that, you want me to repeat it Good luck. I think that was a missed opportunity for communicating more empathy. However, here's the interesting thing. However, here's the interesting thing the same colleague, when my dad passed away, their expression of empathy was much more thoughtful and heartfelt. Day, I mean, you'll be fine, but I guess losing a loved one is sort of in another category that deserves a more thoughtful expression of empathy, or empathy period, I don't know. And then there's another colleague who, when I told them that I was going to have surgery, they sent me a message saying Hi, adrian, I hope your surgery goes well. If you need any assistance, let me know. And then, after the surgery, I got a message from the same colleague saying Good morning, adrian, we are thinking of you and hoping all is well.

Dr. A.:

And do you see the difference there between the first colleague and the second, even though there's still room for improvement in that last expression of empathy? You know the if you need any assistance piece. Yeah, I mean post-surgery. I mean you're going to need some type of assistance. I'm speaking from experience.

Dr. A.:

So, as I stated earlier, offer the assistance in a very specific way, as opposed to leaving the burden on the individual to make a recommendation or to request a specific type of assistance. Because, remember, whether it's someone who's just lost a loved one, whether it's someone experiencing significant loss or trauma or some type of emotional distress or some type of emotional distress, you want to make it really easy for them to receive help. Right, you probably have some insight into what has happened. Even if you don't know specifically, you have some insight into what has happened. So what specific act of empathy, what I call the work of empathy? What can you do to decrease the emotional or psychological load on this person's shoulder, this person's shoulder? Just make the offer, don't wait for them to come up with ideas about how you can help. Then, on the other hand, one might say, well, hey, I mean, how do I know what you need if you don't tell me? Come on, I'm sure you could think of a million and one kind deeds or actions that would be well appreciated in life's most challenging moments. Let me share one last experience with you.

Dr. A.:

I found out a few months ago that in hospice care and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I should have even asked if I could come and see them and be with the family. In those final moments I thought to myself, final moments, I thought to myself the immediate family might just want some privacy at this time, to spend that time with just them and their loved one even though it was my loved one as well, I mean, we're relatives but there was something in my head. I was like, would I be imposing to say, hey, can I come? I mean, I hesitated to even say can I come and pray with you guys, like I hesitated to say that. So I'm going to tell you how the exchange went Right.

Dr. A.:

This was through text, so for privacy reasons, I'm going to use some pseudonyms here. So I said hey, jane, been wanting to check in to see how James was doing. Jane says Hi, adrian, he's in hospice care and imminent. We are here by his bed and praying for an easy transition. Please put him in your prayers. My response oh, no, so heartbroken to hear yes praying right now. Jane responds thank you.

Dr. A.:

My response to that we're here for you all. If there's any way I can be of more support, we're here for you all. If there's any way I can be of more support, please let me know. Bam, so you remember I was talking about that earlier. So see, hey, these are missteps that I've made in the past too. I'm actually reading it out to you. I'm calling out myself, okay, because hey, I believe in transparency on this podcast. I'm calling me out If there's any way I can be of more support. Of course, support can never be enough. In this instance it's like they are at the bedside of James who is in hospice care, and what Of James who is in hospice care and what I expect them to? I don't know. Tell me how specifically I can be of more support. They're not really thinking like that in that moment. So Jane responds to that by saying will do Thank you.

Dr. A.:

And after she responded saying will do thank you, I had a conversation with my wife and I told her what the situation was. I showed her the entire text message exchange up to this point where Jane says well, do thank you. And I told my wife how much I was sort of debating if I should ask to go and be there with the family, and my wife kind of saw the struggle and she's like. My wife was like I know you want to go. I mean, that's why you're bringing this up to me right now. I know you want to go. I mean that's why you're bringing this up to me right now. I know you want to go, so just offer to go.

Dr. A.:

Oftentimes we don't make that offer. You know why and there's research on this we're afraid that we might hear no. Yeah, it sounds simple, right, but I mean there's no other explanation to it. Like we're afraid of hearing no. So we're trying to guard our own emotions by not asking or not offering to put empathy in action. So you see, now we're going from words to actions, right, yeah, we're going from words to actions now.

Dr. A.:

And I said to my wife you know what, that's true, I really want to go. And I just got in my own head thinking I don't want it to seem like I'm intruding or anything, but it it really had to do with whether I named it in that moment or not, I'm naming it now. Do with whether I named it in that moment or not, I'm naming it now. I was afraid that my offer might've gotten rejected, and not in a mean way, but I was just fearful that that might've happened. But you know what? I'm so happy that, after having that conversation with my wife, I texted Jane and Jane, by the way, is the wife of the family member who is now deceased and I said to her I'm ready to come by and pray with you whenever you need. Alternatively, if you need some private time right now, I completely understand. I'm sorry. I'm proud of myself for saying that, right, because I'm making it really easy for Jane. Right, you want me to come by? I'm being specific. I'm not just saying hey, I'm here if you need anything. I'm saying I am ready to come where you are at the hospice center and pray with you at whatever time you choose, whenever you need, at whatever time is most convenient, I am ready to come. And then I'm giving another option If you need to reserve this time for just you and James, I totally understand, no worries. And let me tell you I totally understand no worries. And let me tell you I'm so happy I responded in that way, because Jane then responds to that message and she says please come. I know insert. Insert. Another family member's name also wants to come. He meaning James, our husband. He loved you guys so much. My response to that okay, getting ready.

Dr. A.:

So hopefully, by this point you really get the point in terms of both missed opportunities for expressing empathy, or opportunities that were missed initially but in the same conversation, were repaired, if you will, through critical self-reflection. That then ultimately led to not just a deeper, more specific expression of empathy, but empathy in action, an actionable step tied to the words. I'm ready to come Right, I mean, it was tough for me to just even recount that. So here it is. Friends, we have these expressions that encourage empathy, we have the social scientists who study it and we have the word of God that expects us to live it, or to live it out, if you will Right, yes, we can show empathy through our words and our actions. Both are important.

Dr. A.:

Your words matter. Do you believe that? I believe it. Your words matter. Our words matter. They can heal or they can hurt. Our words can cause pain or they can inspire purpose. Our words can build bridges or they can build walls. Matthew 12, 34. Jesus says for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Jesus says again in Matthew 12, 36 and 37, for by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned. Words are powerful. And then Solomon in Proverbs 18, 21,. He echoes this truth, if you will, and he says death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Dr. A.:

Take a moment to reflect, take a moment to evaluate some of the words that you've spoken over the past week. Let's say Were they words of empathy or were they words that might have caused pain? Our actions must align with our words. That's another important point here that must be made. The Bible speaks about empathy in action. Romans 13.10 tells us Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. Neighbor, therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. Philippians 2, 3, and 4 encourages us let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind. Let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others. These scriptures aren't just telling us to feel empathy, they're urging us to live it out. And here's something to think about In what areas of your life could you be more intentional about aligning your words of empathy with works of empathy? Right, yeah, think about that.

Dr. A.:

Now let's dive into the do's and don'ts of communicating empathy, compassionate communication. I'm sure these guidelines will help us navigate delicate situations where empathy is needed most. Okay, right out the gate. I'm going to address this right out the gate. Number one for all my Jamaican family and friends. You're going to love this one. Number one don't say ush, ush.

Dr. A.:

Whether you're giving the person a hug, patting them on the back, trying to comfort or soothe them, don't say ush, so, ush, u-s-h, so, ush, ush. In the dialect called Jamaican Patois translates in English to hush, h-u-s-h. In jamaican patois ush is a common expression used to comfort someone or show concern. So again, in that, in that culture, it's like saying don't worry, it's going to be okay. But here's the thing outside of the Jamaican culture or interacting with a Jamaican, it's a whole different story Saying ush to an American and it doesn't matter whether you say ush or hush with an H, saying that to an American only means one thing be quiet or shut up.

Dr. A.:

So again, outside of Jamaica or your interactions with a Jamaican, if you're trying to show empathy or comfort someone in mourning andican, if you're trying to show empathy or comfort someone in mourning and distress someone who's hurting, under no circumstance, please, like, just just don't do it, just don't say it under no circumstance. Should you say oh, it will come across as rude or dismissive, and you know what. It doesn't matter how much you explain it, how much you explain that that's not what you intended, or how much you explain the tone or the context. Just leave that out. We're going to talk about many other ways you can express empathy, but that us thing no, just don't even go there. Take it from me. Like no, just don't even go there, take it from me.

Dr. A.:

Number two don't start off your empathy statement with at least no-transcript. Their pain and potentially make them feel dismissed or disregarded and what the people in the receiving end. They're probably not going to tell you. They're probably not going to tell you how your attempts to communicate empathetically, though though well-intentioned, how those words really made them feel or, in some cases, how much more pain your words might have added. They're not going to tell you because they know you mean well, right, but hey, we all. You mean well right, but hey, we all have good intentions, right? I mean listen, I know you know those of you listening like you're not out there trying to hurt people's feelings. Like you have good intentions. Like you, you want to say the right things, but sometimes the words that come out of our mouths do not effectively communicate our intent. And so, hey, again, those who are on the receiving end of your words of empathy, they might not tell you all that I'm telling you now. That's why I'm saying it to you. I'm just trying to look out for you. So an alternative to the whole at least thing might be something like I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's okay to feel however you're feeling right now, and the at least statement is a very common one. You know what I mean. It's kind of like yeah, you know, that car you've been saving to buy for the past 10 years got total, total, but at least you're still alive. I'm sure you could think of so many more examples.

Dr. A.:

Number three don't say to the person who's going through a rough time it could be worse. Again, all these statements in the moment when someone is in the storm, they're in the hurt, they're in the pain, they're in the distress, and you're trying to empathize, you might want to stay away from making these types of statements. Okay, so why should you stay away from saying it could be worse? Why should you stay away from saying it could be worse? Well, that phrase minimizes the person's experience by suggesting again, I know you don't mean it. I know you don't intend to, but it's really. It's suggesting that their feelings, whatever emotion they're experiencing, their pain, their feelings, their suffering isn't that valid or isn't that important. So an alternative to that might be something like I'm sorry, this has happened. I can see that this is tough for you. I am here to support you. If you want to talk, I am here. If you want to just vent, I am here for you.

Dr. A.:

Okay, another one, number four. You might not want to say I can't imagine how hard this is. And let me tell you, like all these expressions I mean you hear them all the time and let me tell you, like all these expressions I mean you hear them all the time and they might seem so benign and totally harmless, but the impact many times is much different. So why not? You know this statement I can't imagine how hard this is. Or I can't imagine what you're going through. I can't imagine what you're experiencing. Okay, why not?

Dr. A.:

Again, although it's intended to show empathy, it may come off as distancing yourself from the individual or implying that you have never had to walk a mile in somebody else's shoes or try to connect with their emotions. Yeah, so it could come off as distancing yourself from all of that or implying that you aren't willing to understand. So an alternative to that statement might be hey, john Doe, what you've shared with me sounds horrific. Clearly, the past few months have been beyond overwhelming and just incredibly hard for you, and I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Okay, number five Don't say I know exactly how you feel.

Dr. A.:

Okay, why should you avoid saying that? Well, guess what, even if you've had a similar experience, your emotional reaction or how you have experienced or how you have reacted to the situation will be different than someone else's, than someone else's. Our emotions are unique to us, even if, on the surface, it might seem like it's the very same emotion. So, rather than saying I know exactly how you feel, you could say something like I might not know exactly what you're feeling right now, but I understand what you're saying and I can see your pain and you can lean on me to help you get through this. All right, number six this is probably among the most common that I've heard. Let me know if you need anything. How many times have you heard that? Let me know if you need anything. Yeah, we need to scratch that from the empathy list. I mentioned this earlier in the episode as well. What's wrong with that statement? This places the burden on the other person to ask for help, like, yeah, you're going through your struggle and you know, I clearly see that you're going through a struggle, but you need to tell me specifically how you want me to help you. I mean, do you know how overwhelming that could feel? So the alternative is simple Offer specific help. Hey, I'm going to drop off some dinner this week. What day works best? I know you've had a rough week. Would you like me to walk the dog? Think of other examples along these lines.

Dr. A.:

Number seven this is one that I've heard in, not only here in the United States, but in countries abroad that I visited. Be strong. Men like to say that, especially to other men Be strong, you've got to be strong, hold it together. And you know what that does. You're actually pressuring the individual to suppress or hold back their emotions, like we were created to. Your emotions need an outlet and sometimes people might even tell you who you have to be strong for. So if you're a parent, let's say hey, you got to be strong, you got to be strong for the kids. You know what? Bottling up your emotions, it just never works. It never ends well, because all that pressure that you build up, it's going to be released at some point and it ain't gonna be pretty. Let's just put it that way. When that lid pops, something is about to explode, just like what would happen with a can of soda. After shaking it over and over and over again, you pop that lid and you don't want that to happen. You don't want that to happen.

Dr. A.:

I'm going to offer you a few examples, and I'm sure you can come up with many more on your own, but I'm going to offer you a few examples of how you can make your empathy actionable, how you can communicate your intent to act with empathy, intent to act with empathy. I'm just going to give you five examples, okay? Number one, and who would refuse this right? Offering to provide a meal, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner, right? Or shop for groceries, can relieve some of the stress of daily responsibilities. Right, hey, jane Doe, I can bring over a meal this week.

Dr. A.:

Number two taking a specific chore off their plate, like picking up the kids, take the vehicle to the repair shop. Getting an oil change can make a big difference. Shop, getting an oil change can make a big difference. So you can say something like hey, would it help if I took care of insert task for you? Number three you can make it easier for them to ask for small needed items by combining your errand with their needs. So you might say something like I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. Can I grab anything you need while I'm there?

Dr. A.:

Number four some people might need just to be around people. They might feel alone and might need some company, right More than anything else. Offering your time and making your presence felt, you know. Being there, you know, could be quite comforting. So you could say something like could I come by and spend a couple hours with you just to chat or help with anything around the house? Number five helping out with childcare, even for a couple hours, could give them some much needed rest or time to take care of other personal matters. So you might say how about I bring the kids over for a few hours just so you can rest or have some time to yourself? Now don't worry about whether they're going to accept or reject your offer. That's not for you to be concerned about. Your assignment is just to make the offer. That's it. Whatever happens next is out of your hands. Try it, I think you'll like it. Well, friends, I think this is the longest solo episode I've done. I don't know, maybe Iaching implications for you, your relationships, your families, friends, loved ones. I know for sure this one was a blessing to you.

Dr. A.:

What opportunities have you missed to show empathy? And if you feel like you have not been the most effective with showing empathy, just pick a couple of these practical guidelines that you could use to improve in that area. You don't have to do it all, just pick a couple and work on them. But once you've mastered those, you move on To some of the others. That's how you can ensure that you don't miss the next opportunity To effectively Put empathy in action. Number six 24. To effectively put empathy in action Numbers 6, 24 through 26. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Empathy is a choice we make every day. Through our words and actions, we can connect, uplift and transform the lives of those around us. So let's be intentional about walking in someone else's shoes, listening, speaking and acting with compassion, always guided by our faith and the word of God, stay blessed and be safe.